value

Having breakfast with other people is nice, and it's even nicer when you sit on wrought iron chairs next to a breezy park and talk about all of the best things about life. And then you bitch like old women until the waiter asks you to please leave because you've been there for two days and your children are wondering where you are. Such was the case when Bern Morley and I invaded Foodrinkery.

I make no apologies for not being a ‘kid’ person. In fact, the older I get the less maternal I become. I mean, I like them. I do! I don’t want any of them to get hurt or feel the pain of losing a pet dog or be told they can’t achieve something. I just don’t want them on me. Or near me. But when I took my overly broody partner to Oliver’s Garden recently all that changed (for a moment), and it’s all thanks to the wonderful people of Moonee Ponds having pretty children dressed in cute clothes. Oh, and fabulous food.

Cleverly, the morning I visited Third Wave Cafe was the morning I left my eftpos card at home, meaning whatever I ordered had to come to a maximum total of $13.65. Luckily, there are so many menu options that I found myself hyperventilating at the thought of being able to order a breakfast and a coffee for less than that. Sure, I was forced to sit outside with all the bike riders/gym enthusiasts/people who walk their dogs while wearing Lycra pants, but it was a small price to pay.

It’s becoming more and more apparent to me that it’s hard to find a place to eat in a trendy suburb that isn’t a bit wanky. Often a cafe will hide behind its location or reputation or even their wait staff being allowed to have mow hawks. I had half expected to say that you’re only welcome at Pepper if you’re cooler than...well, everyone. But to be honest it’s genuinely an awesome place to hang out. And if you eat there you’re totally cooler than people who don’t. Fact.

I like lots of types of holes: blow holes, glory holes, plot holes, assholes and crotchless panties. You can now add the wall hole at Wall Two 80 to that list. Because it's a cracker. It has that Balaclitzroy feel about it - the one where I'm not cool enough to be here but it doesn't matter because I was eating on Carlisle Street 10 years ago when you were still getting detention for pulling Sally Berger's hair and when Wall Two 80 was still a kosher butcher.