East

Ora

Things everyone knows that I forgot: never head city-bound on the Eastern Fwy between the hours of 7:30am and 8:30am, don't park in 15 minute zones fo...

Balaclava

Wall Two 80

I like lots of types of holes: blow holes, glory holes, plot holes, assholes and crotchless panties. You can now add the wall hole at Wall Two 80 to t...

East

Le Flaneur

If Chocolat has taught me anything besides the value of great cheekbones, it's that 'France' is just another word for 'pâtisserie'. As is my understan...

Restaurant

Duchess of Spotswood

Tongue. It’s a funny thing. Gene Simmons has an impressive one. Lots of speedy 20-somethings trying to prove how badass they are have piercings in the...

Ormond

Ormond Providore

Once upon a time, there was a piglet called Albert. He was an astute and ambitious fellow, and he decided that when he grew up, he wanted to be someon...

Footscray

Happy River Cafe

One night just recently my boyfriend went out with his mates and promised he wasn’t going to have a ‘big one’ and that he’d be home before midnight. T...

Camberwell

Madame Mango

I had planned not to eat breakfast. I know that sounds crazy, but a morning of very important meetings meant that I just couldn't squeeze it in. I was...

Balwyn

Snow Pony

I'm ashamed to admit that it was only just now that the lightbulb went off in my head - Snow Pony is on Whitehorse Road. Snow Pony is a White Horse. I...

CBD and Surrounds

Affogato Espresso Bar

Hardware Lane. You know it. It’s where you take out of towners to try and impress them with Melbourne’s multiculturalism (‘look everyone! We have past...

East

Tyranny of Distance

In my old(er) age, I find myself more frequently confounded by The Youth of Today. Sometimes people recommend places for me to eat, and I go there and...

East

hobba

You could be forgiven for thinking that hobba is actually somewhere you might take your car to be serviced. It has that small industrial feel that's u...

Armadale

Coin Laundry

Feeling flirty, I donned my best false eyelashes and colour blocking nail polish and headed to Coin Laundry, which had opened for 2012 since the last ...

CBD and Surrounds

Bella Cosi

I love Italy. I want to live in Italy, whimsically run through Italian vineyards with a hot Italian guy (sorry to my partner. You’re hot too, of cours...

Carlton

Seven Seeds

I wanted to feel groovy and young, so I wandered up to Seven Seeds in the hopes that some of the super groovy kids from the uni nearby would inappropr...