When reading this blog, please consider the following:

1. Opinion

This blog is an opinion piece. The content herein is a matter of our personal opinion and not that of our employers, family, friends or dogs. It is not a professional critique. We are not employed in the food industry, nor do we consider ourselves to be food critics.

2. What we ARE judging

We are judging (and presenting our opinion of):

• the ambience of the facility
• how much we enjoy the food
• the appropriateness of the customer service
• the perceived value of the products
• the location of the business
• our life experiences and the way they relate to the places we visit

 

3. What we ARE NOT judging

We are not judging (or presenting our opinion of):

• individuals within businesses (wait staff, chefs, owners, etc.)
• the viability of businesses
• potential health and safety risks posed by eateries
• physical appearance or mental health of any people in or around places of business

 

4. Style

We are comic writers who use metaphors, similes, fictionalised accounts and other stylistic approaches to language to express our opinions. We take a degree of artistic license in the work that we produce, and where our judgements include content of this nature it should be interpreted as such.

For example:

White Rabbit is full of dimly lit nooks in which to hide on those days, but instead of someone in a lab coat looking at me through a tiny window, a nice waitress came up and asked if I’d like a juice. “Yes please,” I said, crying. “Do you have any with holidays in them?”

This is a fictionalised account of what happened when we visited White Rabbit.

My toast did a merry dance along the line between sexily char-grilled and just burned.

It didn’t. We are personifying the toast.

Crispy on the outside and basically a doona on the inside.

Potatoes don’t actually have doonas inside them. This is a metaphor.

At least twice cooked and covered in ground rock salt like the kind of tasty dandruff you’d never use Heads & Shoulders on because it’s so tasty.

There is no actual dandruff on the potatoes, it’s just like dandruff. This is a simile!

Our work is heavily fictionalised, because that’s our style. If there is something within our stories that you feel is a misrepresentation because of these stylistic devices, we ask you to please contact us to discuss further.

5. Our opinions can’t be bought

We visit and dine at restaurants off our own backs, based on the reviews we read and on suggestions and recommendations given to us by others. Afterward, we write down our opinions (see above) of these places and the food they serve. Where we have been invited by or paid for by the businesses we review, we will state as much within the article itself. We will not unduly promote or endorse a venue or product in exchange for payment. We will act in an advocacy capacity where we believe the venue or product is deserving of such advocacy, and this may or may not be in exchange for payment, goods, services or some other benefit. Where it is, it will be done with full disclosure as to the nature of the arrangement.

6. Frankness and honesty

We hold no grudges and have no reason to promote negativity about any businesses beyond those things stated in 1. In the event that we publish content that speaks about negative experiences we have had in our travels, we do so for the same reasons everyone does: for public awareness and accurate representation of the event in question.

7. A matter of repeat visits

Unfortunately, we don’t have time to visit each cafe or restaurant multiple times. This means that we are judging the food that hits our plate on the day and at the time that we are visiting. We appreciate that there are factors beyond a business’s control that may affect the quality of the food, customer service or other aspect of the experience at the time that we are judging. With that in mind, we suggest that you make your own judgements about these eateries. Ours are based on a singular visit and, in most cases, a singular dish and may not represent a complete or entire profile of the venue and its menu, staff, produce, etcetera.

8. Sponsored posts

We occasionally work with complementary brands to promote their products whilst maintaining our own style. This does not mean we are necessarily endorsing the product, and we are not paid to say we like the product. We may include links to the brand’s website or links to buy the product online. We do not earn affiliate revenue unless specified. Sponsored posts will be clearly marked as such within the post itself.