Cleverly, the morning I visited Third Wave Cafe was the morning I left my eftpos card at home, meaning whatever I ordered had to come to a maximum total of $13.65. Luckily, there are so many menu options that I found myself hyperventilating at the thought of being able to order a breakfast and a coffee for less than that. Sure, I was forced to sit outside with all the bike riders/gym enthusiasts/people who walk their dogs while wearing Lycra pants, but it was a small price to pay.

If you do your research you’ll find that Third Wave specialises in, and pride themselves on, good coffee. They even hold free coffee appreciation classes for those who are studious enough to check out their website (me! Me! I’m studious! Pick me!). The coffee menu is extensive, and if you are as ignorant as I am when it comes to the liquid Black Beauty you should offend everyone who actually knows what they’re doing and order a flat white. Because they are SO good with their blends I decided that, even if I had to go without an actual meal and just order a side of jam, I would defo order a coffee.

To get it out of the way early and to probably state the obvious, their coffee is friggin awesome. I could easily have gone on a coffee diet and just drink this coffee forever. Until I died of malnutrition, that is.

I took a seat and within 7 seconds got asked three times by three different people if I was ready to order. Note to drunks: don’t go here if you suffer from ‘aggressive hangover syndrome’ – this might just push you over the edge. With my lack of cash in mind, and my full awareness that I would be paying for my order in coinage, I opted for something small so I could ensure a coffee order. I locked in the Third Wave Brekky Mini Burger which reads as follows:

Toasted English muffin filled with fried bacon, fresh tomatoes and a delicious patty made with porterhouse mince, spices, feta and sun dried tomatoes on a bed of basil mayo.

I’ll pay $50 to anyone who is NOT salivating right now.

Waiting for my meal meant I was able to enjoy my surroundings of expensive cars, high rise apartments each filled with nine 20-something girls or washed up football managers (looking at you, Ricky), and 3,000 dogs. The café is super dog friendly, which I love, and if you’re not a fan of the little mutts you can always ask for a seat inside. I’d get there early for this though – seems packed every time I wander past.

I also noticed they’re a free wireless hotspot, which is perfect for those tightarses who update their iPhone apps on someone else’s internet (namely me).

When it all arrived, my mini burger was more aromatic than any breakfast I’ve ever had. That little bugger packs a punch! Probably because it was made of mince and herbs and everything you would usually have later in the day, and admittedly the menu does state it’s good for breakfast, lunch or dinner. It was a form of torture that I had to take photos of the food before I ate it, when all I wanted to do was test how big my mouth was by shoving it all in at once. The way it was presented on the little wooden tray was also so sweet. It gave the whole thing a lovely warm rustic feel. I also loved that I was given a knife and folk to eat this burger. It’s like when you’re given a knife and folk to eat pizza and because everyone else has a knife and folk you feel obliged to use them, even though every fibre in your body is screaming at you to pick it up with your hands. That’s how I felt with this dish (note: I ate it with my hands, to the disgust of the Lycra dude sitting next to me)

I knew while eating it that it was doing nothing for my weight or arteries, but man this thing was ah-maz-ing. Like, you’d trade your first born for one amazing. The mince was perfect – not dry, not full of breadcrumbs or crap mince, the bacon melted in the mouth and the mayo tied it all together to make it one of my favourite breakfast meals so far.

There is a bit of garlic in the burger though, so perhaps don’t plan a first date or business meeting over this dish. Unless you both eat it, and then the rule states you’re welcome to pash each other because you both stink.

Try not to cry when looking at this masterpiece

At the end of the meal it can take some sweet time to get the bill, but this can also be enjoyed because even though they are super busy on weekends and there seems to be a high demand for tables, you don’t feel like you’re being rushed out of the café for the next uber cool person to take a seat. Win. Their service seems thoughtful and well managed, which is a delight.

And really, all that matters is that they make it ok to eat mince for breakfast, and for that I salute them.

Third Wave Cafe on Urbanspoon

Robyn Box

About Robyn Box

I’m Robyn – a typical 30-something Melbournian. Most of my time is taken up being a Government office drone and an apathetic TV watcher, but occasionally I break out of the excitement of everyday life to dress my cat up in humiliating costumes, buy my niece and nephews expensive gifts in the hopes they pin me as ‘best Aunty’, wear amazing shoes that render me cripple within 60 minutes and eat foods that will no doubt bring on early cardiac arrest. Then occasionally I write about it. Find me on Twitter

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