I'm ashamed to admit that it was only just now that the lightbulb went off in my head - Snow Pony is on Whitehorse Road. Snow Pony is a White Horse. I thought it was the name of some kind of street drug. Luckily I then went on the internet and found out that most other people don't know why it's called Snow Pony either, so it looks like I'm just one of many morons.

I arrived at Snow Pony at 7:56am, which is four minutes before they open but they let me in anyway. It was at that point that I realised they are actually a cash only establishment. I rather thought they probably just said they were cash only but then when you got there they had a secret EFTPOS machine under the counter and if you really, truly forgot to bring cash, they could still accommodate you. Not so. Make sure you have a twenty in your pocket.

Now as far as I’m concerned, bananas are alien penises. How is it possible that a fruit is simultaneously hard and soft, powdery and slimy? They are an honest to goodness huge mystery to me. But shove them inside cake or bread, and I am all yours. And so it came to be that I ordered the banana bread with maple syrup marscapone, fresh banana, berry compote and crushed pistachios. Also the crushed pistachios rather twisted my arm.

My orange juice arrived in a kitsch brown medicine jar, which I thought quite delightful. It spoke to the overall feel of the place really, with its rustic bench tops, mismatched decor and hand-written blackboards. It has a shabby chic quality to it, if shabby chic hadn’t become hideously garish and then plummeted out of fashion, never to be heard from again.

Snow Pony Balwyn Whitehorse Road banana bread breakfast

Snow Pony’s banana ‘bread’ may be a misnomer. You can see below just what a feast for the eyes this dish was. The last time I saw mulberries up close was when I was smooshing them into my brother’s clothes in our tree house and then watching my mother weeping because that shit never, ever comes out. But here they are, reclining amongst every other type of berry known to man. Seriously, so many types of berries.

Banana bread with maple syrup marscapone, fresh banana, berry compote and crushed pistachios

So no, this was no ordinary banana bread. It crumbled away as though tiny cake men were lifting small portions of it above their shoulders and carrying it through a lake of maple syrup marscapone created for Cleopatra herself and I am not exaggerating. It was sweet and moist and although I left the alien penises to one side, the balance of the dish was spot on. Crunchy pistachio nuts, tart blackberries, marscapone like lollies. I began to feel silly for being so excited about my orange juice medicine bottle – the banana bread was the real star of the show. Each time I moved part of it to the side, I uncovered new and even more delicious treasures.

Price

$14.90, which was excellent value for such a festive and expressive dessert breakfast.

The only reason I’ve taken half a star from Snow Pony is the cash only scenario. I just don’t carry a lot of cash, and if I was driving past another day I would probably think to myself, “Ooh, I love Snow Pony! Oh, but I don’t have any cash sadface. I’ll have to go to Kew.” The nearest ATM is a good 500m up the road, so you’re really required to plan ahead. I had to borrow money from Stacy, and I’ve just realised I haven’t actually paid her back yet, so I will bid you adieu!

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Anna Spargo-Ryan

About Anna Spargo-Ryan

I'm Anna and by day I am a digital strategist, running around town strategising heaps of digitals. By night and occasionally morning, I eat things, write things, berate my children, walk my dogs and hug my chocolate. Find me on Twitter | Get some digital

6 Comments

  1. tian

    My only prob with Snow Pony and the affliated Porgie Mr jones is their scrambled egg.  Why do some cafes think scrambled means fried rather than creamy yummy sludge

  2. brekkylover

    The cash only aspect really ruined this place for me. If they had an ATM nearby, fair enough, but they really don’t have one anywhere nearby. Such a lack of consideration for their customers, and when I asked the staff, they were really quite rude and unapologetic about it. I found the whole thing a little we’re-so-hip-we-don’t-really-need-your-business-anyway pretentious.

    • Anna

      Anna

      I agree there are elements of that. The fact that there is really no ATM nearby but they insist on being cash only anyway says a lot about the kind of place this is. And whilst the food is very, very good, it’s probably not enough to get me back.

  3. marie-anne

    I might be showing my age here but snow pony is toooooo loud. Used to go there but not any more. I think they are just after hip 20 somethings as customers.